Please Press One If Your Duck Will Not Quack

A fictional comedy from CyberBabiez. The characters and events are invented.

The automated helpline offered three choices. Press one for quacking difficulties. Press two for floating concerns. Press three if you were not actually a duck.

Mr. Buttons pressed three. The system quacked.

He tried again. More quacking.

Eventually Dot answered and asked him to describe the problem in his own words. The bear explained that he wanted to change his address.

Dot apologized. He had reached the wrong department. Address changes were handled by Geese, Migration, and Forwarding.

She transferred him. A goose immediately told him to press one.

By lunchtime, Mr. Buttons had spoken to a swan, a pelican, and a very helpful pigeon who unfortunately had no computer.

He decided not to move.

The system sent him a survey asking whether his problem had been resolved. Technically, he supposed, it had.

Read another story: A Refund Request for Yesterday's Weather.

Explore the full series: Tiny Customer Service: Your Complaint Is Important to Us.

For a little humor in your own wardrobe, explore the Funny Babies collection at CyberBabiez. These graphic tees are for adults.